


It Has Always Been You

by maybeDelirious



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Divorce, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-War, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Severus Snape Lives, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23654191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeDelirious/pseuds/maybeDelirious
Summary: When the war is done, Remus and Nymphadora chooses to get married. Remus is ready to live a quiet life with her, but someone from his past catches his eyes during the wedding. How will this affect Remus and his marriage?
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: This is my first work I've ever written and it has not been Beta read. Sorry for any errors, English is not my native language.  
> This might also be updated slowly. Enjoy!

During the war Remus had been sure that he would die and that it would be his last day on earth. Oddly enough, this wasn’t bothering him as much as it should’ve. Sure, he had a good life, happily engaged to a beautiful woman and economic stability due to her job. But Remus would have accepted death, not happily, but he wouldn’t fight it either. This is why he was surprised that he survived the war, and that Dora did too, and that everything would go back to normal. Well, not exactly as it had been before, they had lost some good people and a few legal issues would have to be fixed before things would be normal again.

When Dora had suggested that they should get married as soon as possible, Remus had been surprised. He wanted to marry her, but he still felt like she was making a mistake by being with him and that in time she would leave him. But she didn’t. And soon enough they would be properly married and that also meant that it would be very hard for her to do so on a whim. This gave Remus some peace to mind, knowing that she was in it for the long haul.

Looking out at the ocean of people who had chosen to attend his and Dora’s wedding, one person in particular seemed to catch Remus’ eye more often than anyone else. He was seated roughly in the middle of the rows, sandwiched in between people who probably didn’t even know who he was, being that they were muggles from Remus’ mother’s side of the family.

Remus hadn’t been sure if he would even attend, given their rocky and sometimes dark history. It had begun in their early years when they both attended Hogwarts. He remembered how even when they were eleven, he had caught his eye on their very first train ride to the magical school. His long black hair and somewhat big nose, deep dark eyes and an obviously forced confident posture was something that drew Remus in, wanting to know more about him and if he was as mysterious and smart as he looked.

When the hat later had sorted the mysterious boy into Slytherin it had only caused Remus to become even more interested in him. Sure, he knew that Slytherins were bad news, or at least that was what his new housemates had told him. “Everyone who gets sorted into Slytherin is evil.” Is what one of his new friends had said, and Remus had believed him. But there was still something about the dark-haired boy that wanted him to question that rule. But he couldn’t, not when his new and only friends had such an obvious distaste for the entire house.

Friends, Remus thought, was not something you could take for granted. Not now, in a room full of them at his wedding, and especially not then, just a few years after he had been cursed with it. He had to be careful in order to keep his friends, they could never know about his condition and they could never have a reason to leave him, and one of those reasons could have been his interest in the Slytherin boy. Later on, when his friends had started to pick on the boy, he didn’t really have a choice but to stand by and just… watch. Yes, he felt incredibly bad, and yes, he wished that he would’ve done something about it. But it was too late.

It was only after the Shrieking Shack incident that he first stood up towards his own friends in order to defend the Slytherin boy. It had shocked him to his core, waking up in the hospital wing to James trying to explain everything and Sirius standing silent in the background. If Remus had looked to about seven beds to his right, he would’ve seen the Slytherin sitting silently. He would have also seen him slipping out of the room unnoticed almost the second he woke up, as if to assure himself that it was really Remus he met that night. But Remus didn’t notice him, and neither did James nor Sirius.

It was only a couple of weeks after that Remus had managed to get the courage to go up to the boy in the library to apologize to him. “It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you.” Was the only thing he said. Remus had smiled at him, but was only met with a cold stare, reminding him that even if he wasn’t responsible this time, he hadn’t done anything to stop them in the past.

Over the course of their last years together at Hogwarts, Remus had desperately tried to get to know the other boy, but he was as cold and closed as they came. Sometimes Remus wondered if it was his fault, or the so-called “Marauders”. It kept him up at night knowing that he might’ve caused him to turn to the darker parts of his house, the uprising of some powerful wizard who went by the name Voldemort. 

It didn’t really matter now though, did it? He was dead, defeated by his former friend’s son.  
A lot of people died, but Remus didn’t focus on the dead. He focused on the fact that he was alive, and that his fiancée was too. It didn’t escape him that the mysterious boy turned potions master turned double spy was too, and that he was now sitting in the middle row at his wedding.

Sometimes Remus liked to dwell on the past, thinking about what could’ve been if he had stood up to his friends in their early years. Maybe the other man would’ve been friends with him, helped him with his homework in potions, and maybe they could’ve prevented him from joining the Death Eaters. Maybe this could’ve created some sort of butterfly-effect leading to the survival of James and Lily, which would’ve prevented Sirius from ever going to Azkaban.

Once, Remus had told Nymphadora about this and how he dwelled. She had told him quite bluntly that there was no use in living in the past, and that he shouldn’t blame himself for everything that happened. She said that even if Snape hadn’t joined, someone else would’ve and the Potter’s would still have met their early demise.

Dora was a good woman. She was good to Remus, even though he didn’t feel like he deserved it. She was bold, intelligent, funny and above all, simply too good for him. This thought often crossed his mind, and it was the reason that he denied her for over a year. He was a cowardly, old werewolf, and she was strong, courageous and young. Yes, it is probably true that opposites attract but Remus never thought that it would be true for him.

Remus often felt self-conscious in their relationship. Maybe his youth had left him feeling like he couldn’t trust anyone, or maybe it was true, he didn’t deserve her. It was probably was everyone else were thinking, even during their wedding day, watching her walk down the aisle to him.

She was beautiful, too beautiful for him as she walked. Her white dress hugged her body and draped behind her at the same time, and a small but precise flower bouquet was held in her hands. She smiled, and Remus realized a second too late that she was smiling at him and that he probably should smile back. So, he did.

He would go to hell when he died, he thought, when his gaze still wandered the room and fell on the still as mysterious, dark haired Slytherin. Remus thought back to how he looked when they were younger. He never really grew into his nose, but his face had turned from soft cheeks and big, soft eyes to a slim, almost taut regal one. His high cheekbones and long face gave him a stern look, but it was spoiled by his still as soft, dark eyes. Even though his friends would make fun of his appearance and especially his big nose and greasy hair, Remus never felt the same. He always thought, and still does, that his face suited him and made him unique, even beautiful at times.

The man didn’t look back at him, until he did, and Remus quickly looked away, a blush traveling up his throat. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed by the fact that the man had looked back at him, but by the fact that someone else might’ve seen him staring at someone else when his soon to be wife was walking down the aisle. 

Shifting his eyes back to his wife, she didn’t seem to notice that Remus had been looking at someone else. She was busy smiling and looking at the floor, probably trying not to stumble in her heels. Remus smiled too, thinking about how clumsy she had been when trying to learn how to walk in them. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she had reached the end of the aisle to where Remus stood. She shot him a very shy look, which was not very much like her at all. He wondered if something was wrong, but it was probably just the nerves that made her feeling shyer than usual.

She reached out and grasped his hand hard, almost as if she was afraid that he was going to run away. Her small hands looked very gentle and dainty in his bigger, rougher ones, which really wasn’t the case at all. She was not a gentle and dainty woman, quite the opposite, which had made him fall for her in the first place. Nymphadora, his beautiful, strong and clever woman. He really didn’t deserve her, and he realized it far too late.

Walking down the aisle yet again after the ceremony, surrounded by the cheer of what was left of his family and friends, his gaze yet again fell on the same man as it always had, even when he held his newly wed wife’s hand in his. This time, his eyes were met, and Remus made the very bold and stupid decision to not look away. The other man’s face was still as unreadable as it always had been, but Remus could’ve sworn that he saw confusion on his slim face.

The party after the ceremony was something Remus would never forget. He and Dora danced, and other people joined the floor after their first. He wouldn’t really consider himself a dancer, but he had sworn to Dora that he would at least try, so he did. But not without several drinks in his system. He occasionally joined the dancing throughout the night, but most of the time he sat at one of the tables, chatting with random people who either congratulated him, or wanted to talk about someone they lost during the war. It was more often the latter, which had left him in a somber mood when he stepped outside to get some air.

The noise of the party echoed around him when he leaned against the wall of the building. He combed his hand through his hair and looked around, and that is when he spotted him. He pretended as if his heart had not just skipped a beat.

Kicking the ground in order to catch the other man’s attention, he looked at him and caught his dark eyes. “A little bit too loud in there, huh?” Remus said, slurring just a bit on his words, smiling.

“Yes. A little bit.” The other man answered him, not returning his smile. “Have you had one too many drinks, Lupin?” He said, also choosing to lean against the wall, mimicking Remus.

“Maybe. Everyone wanted to talk about the war, and I wasn’t doing that fully sober.” Remus said, his eyes falling to his feet.

“That seems to be the hot topic these days.” He replied coldly, just a hint of sorrow tainting his voice.

Remus turned towards him, as if to say something, but his voice caught in his throat and he just looked at him instead. “I… I’m sorry.” Remus said.

The other man looked at him, a mix of confusion and irritation painting his face. “Sorry for what?” He answered, furrowing his brows. 

“You know.” He paused. “Everything. The war… Hogwarts, never standing up to James and Sir- “He was interrupted. 

“I think it is time you headed back inside and sobered up for your wife.” He said coldly, turning away, looking for something in his pockets. 

Remus straightened up and looked at him one last time before heading inside again. Maybe he was right, and he needed to sober up.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up the next morning, he felt a dull headache bothering him. Opening his eyes, he rolled over to look at his wife. She was still sleeping, her hair a mess of blues and greens, and a slight drool on her lip. Remus laid there for a while, just looking at her. After a couple of minutes had passed, he got up, and headed to the bathroom to shower. Remus felt dirty, and the reason was something he wasn’t ready to think about just yet.

Turning on the hot water and letting it run for a while, he grabbed his soap as hot steam filled the room. Stepping in, he heard how Dora was beginning to stir in their bedroom. He had gotten to washing his face when he heard her knocking on the door.

“Remus, are you taking a shower? Can I come in?” She said through the door.

“It’s open.” He said loudly, over the noise of the water. She stepped into their shared bathroom and started to brush her teeth. He couldn’t see her properly through the steam covered glass doors, but he heard her actions well enough. It was one of the “perks” that his condition entailed. His hearing was better than the average persons, even if he wasn’t transformed. When she had brushed her teeth, she opened the shower door to look at him. This time, her hair was fully black.

She was a truly beautiful woman, but the black hair made Remus’ stomach twist. Did she know? That he had looked at him? That he had talked to him when he was a bit drunk and wanted to apologize to him? 

“What’s wrong, honey?” She asked, furrowing her brows much like …Snape had yesterday. Why was he still on his mind?

“Nothing. I just have a headache.” He replied, and it wasn’t a lie. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“Just wanted to make sure that you weren’t using my soap.” She said cheekily. Remus rolled his eyes at her. “I wouldn’t. I don’t want to smell like lavender all day, I’d rather have my super masculine…” He looked down at the soap bottle on the shower floor. “…Milk and honey.”

“Right.” She said, smiling at him. “I’ll prepare breakfast, do you want pancakes or eggs and sausage?” 

“Err, I don’t care. I’ll have what you’re having.” Remus replied. In truth, he wasn’t really feeling that hungry. He had been feeling guilty from yesterday, how he had given his attention to someone else on their wedding and it had curbed his appetite.

She smiled at him one last time before stepping out of their bathroom and walked down the stairs, reached the kitchen and decided to cook eggs and sausage, or at least that’s what Remus could tell from how it sounded and smelled. 

Deciding he was done in the shower, he turned off the water and stepped out into the steamy room. His reflection in the mirror above the sink was all fogged up, but Remus could still make out the man that was staring back at him. Worn, tired-looking, and boring. He looked older than he was, he thought, and was reminded of his monthly transformations that took a hard toll on him. 

Once he had made sure that he was presentable looking, he dropped his towel and walked into their bedroom. He got dressed in casual muggle clothing and went the stairs to meet his fiancée- no, his wife. 

“Hope you are up for some eggs and sausage, honey.” Dora said, leaning over the stovetop, eggs sizzling underneath her.

“Sounds great.” Remus responded, giving her a quick kiss on her cheek.

He sat down at their small dinner table and pushed some of the bills and books to the side. Their house hadn’t been cleaned in a long time since they had been busy with planning a wedding, and before that fighting a war.

War, he thought, was not something any living human deserved to go through. Sure, it was a sometimes-necessary evil, but in the end, countless of lives were lost and families destroyed. Remus had lost a lot of people of people in his life, and the war had taken a lot more away from him. Someone that he had known for almost his entire life and someone he thought of as his closest friend had been killed. That someone being Sirius Black.

Sirius was one of the stupidest people he had ever known. And that’s what led him to his death. He had been reckless, egotistic and irresponsible. And worst of all, is that he had left Remus alone as the last standing Marauder. He had also left his only godson for Remus to mend. 

One of the only feelings that Remus had allowed himself to feel after Sirius death was anger. Not sadness, not emptiness, not regret, but only pure anger. Some might say that Remus was in denial and that he had to deal with it. One of those people had been his wife, but she quickly realized that Sirius death was something that Remus had to deal with on his own terms and in his own pace.

“The food is going to get cold if you continue to stare at it any longer, Remus.” Dora said, giving him a slight fright. He had not realized that she was done cooking and had sat down in front of him with his and her food.

“Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts, this headache is really killing me today...” He replied lazily, looking up at her and smiling weakly.

“It’s alright, are you sure it’s nothing you want to talk about?” She asked him, recognizing the look on his face that he had when he thought about something that was bothering him.

“No, don’t worry about me. I swear that it is just a headache.” Remus replied.

“If you say so.” Dora said, smiling sweetly at him.

Remus begun eating his now slightly cold breakfast, occasionally glancing up at Dora. He didn’t really mind that it had gone cold, since he had eaten far worse throughout his life. Disgusted, he thought back to the times after a full moon when he had woken up with a mouth full of fur and a dead rabbit or bird next to him.

“You know, there was something that I wanted to talk to you about.” Dora said quickly. “There was a lot of people at our wedding yesterday and I know how you feel about big crowds near the full moon.” She winced slightly as the words left her mouth, Remus noted.

“Right, what are you getting at?” He replied warily.

“I just wanted to know if that’s why you acted kind of strange towards the end of the party.” She asked. Remus blanked, feeling a faint blush rising on his throat. 

“Yes, I guess that’s why. I didn’t really think about it until now though. Sorry if I upset you.” He said.

“It had nothing to do with you possibly getting cold feet?” She jokingly said.

“No, not at all. How could I when I have you?” Remus replied, smiling cheekily at her.

“You’re too sweet. By the way, I hope that you didn’t mind that I invited Snape last minute without asking. I was kind of hoping that you two could reconcile now that everyone doesn’t see him as a murderous snake anymore.” Dora said as she took their empty plates and placed them in the sink.

“No, I agree. It’s a shame how people thought so low of him all this time.” He replied off-handedly.

“So, you’re saying that you didn’t?” She asked. 

“No, I guess I did.” He said, knowing that he really hadn’t, but also knowing that it would be hard to explain why, since he himself didn’t fully understand it. Remus had never thought of the man as evil or murderous as other people might had, but he couldn’t tell Dora that.

“Well, the Weasley’s has decided to throw a dinner party soon, and I think that they wanted to invite him… I guess… Well, you know how Molly is.” Dora said.

“Yes, I do.” Remus laughed. “When are they thinking about having it?” 

“Err, I’m not quite sure. I think that Molly said this weekend?” Dora said, scrubbing the plates at the same time.

“Yes, alright. And you want to go?” Remus said, knowing that she hadn’t really been that close to anyone in that family.

“Well, I think that we shouldn’t just stay cooped up here. We should go. After all, they came to the wedding, didn’t they?” She said as she turned around to lean against the counters and looked at him.

“You’re right. As always.” Remus responded.

“I know.” She laughed. “Well, I have to get to work now. I might get home late today. Don’t wait up.” 

“Okay. Can’t promise that I won’t.” Remus said, looking at her as she walked through the room and to the hallway. “Be safe!” 

“That’s no fun!” She responded as she walked out the door.

Remus sighed. What the hell was he going to do alone for eight or more hours?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :-)


	3. Chapter 3

Spending time alone was not something Remus was especially fond of, but it was something that he was accustomed to. When he was younger, he hadn’t really had any friends between the time he was bit till he started attending Hogwarts and met Sirius and James. His only true friends, he thought. They had made him feel as if he had a place in the world, and that he truly wasn’t as alone as he had thought. 

But that time was long gone, and he was alone again, apart from Dora. It was different though, with Dora. Having a wife and having other male friends was… different. Usually people said that their wife or their partner was their best friend, and sure, on some days it sure felt like that, but Remus couldn’t help but to feel like he and Dora weren’t that close. He had only known her for a couple of years, and she was much younger than him. Maybe too young. He briefly wondered if she felt the same.

Deciding that he was done feeling bad for himself, he thought about what he could do today. Cleaning? No, he didn’t have the energy to do that. Run errands? Maybe buy some new books to occupy his time? Yes, that sounded like something he could accomplish.

The cobblestone road was slick with rain as Remus quickly and quietly made his way through the masses of people in Muggle London. He was making his way to Diagon Alley, or more precisely Flourish and Blotts. It was not very often that Remus spent time in the Muggle world, but as he saw their faces, how they were busy with themselves and how they didn’t recognize Remus, the thought that maybe he should crossed his mind. It was very refreshing to not have people stare at you all the time, either in pity or in not very well disguised disgust. More often the latter. Being a “war hero” didn’t seem to matter much for people like him.

Letting that train of thought go, he stepped into the alleyway that would lead him to Diagon Alley. Tapping the brick with his wand he stepped back as the wall formed into an archway, seconds later stepping through it. Remus quickly walked down the familiar street, recognizing some of the wizards and witches who looked at him. He kept his gaze fixed on the ground, only looking up in order to not crash with someone.

After walking for a while, Remus found himself in front of the old bookshop. The shop had really not changed one bit since he himself frequented it during his Hogwarts years, and come to think of it, really none of the shops had changed. Remus didn’t mind. The familiarity was comforting.

Once he was inside the shop, he quickly looked around. The shop was quite empty, probably because the majority of the costumers were students who bought books at the end of summer, and winter was just around the corner.

After nodding at the clerk, Remus started browsing the shelves. He had no idea what he was looking for, and all the choices were overwhelming. The spines of the books were neatly stacked up against him, and Remus slightly tilted his head in order to read the title. “Practical Household Magic”. Hm. Sounded interesting enough. And he did need to start cleaning their house out… Remus picked out the book from the shelf. Maybe one more?

He started browsing again, but nothing stood out to him. Maybe he could refresh some of the subjects that he failed to learn at Hogwarts. Perhaps potions were a good choice. Potions had been one of his worst subjects at Hogwarts, and the reason had been that he couldn’t concentrate during the lessons. Either his friends were harassing Snape, or accidentally making a bomb and destroying his potion. Remus might’ve been distracted by Snape too, even if he wasn’t being picked on by his friends. But that was not something he could think about nowadays. 

He had always wanted to be good at potions, in the hopes that he someday might make a cure for himself. That task had been left to someone else, which Remus didn’t like. He didn’t like depending one other people, especially on someone who didn’t like him, and someone who everyone thought was a Death eater and a murderer. Although this had turned out to be false, it still irked him to be so dependent on someone else no not turn into a blood thirsty monster once a month.

After picking out a few more books, Remus went up to the register and payed. It was when he was just leaving the shop that he recognized someone who had walked in. The long black robes and the long black hair couldn’t be anyone but him… Snape.

A chill went down Remus´ spine, why he didn’t know. He quickly mustered up a small but polite smile as he made eye contact with the other man. He looked uncomfortable, Remus thought.

“Lupin.” He said, glancing at the potions books in that Remus held. “Didn’t know you read.” 

“Hello to you too. Well, you learn something new every day, isn’t that what they say?” Remus responded, still smiling. He had always thought that one of his better traits, albeit one of very few, was politeness.

“I suppose. Well, I was just heading insi—”

“… Just about to leave—” Remus accidentally interrupted him. The other man stared at him, brows furrowed and a weird look on his face. 

“I’ll see you around.” Remus said, ending the slightly awkward silence, patting the other man on the shoulder as he went past him. He pretended that he didn’t feel him flinch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and thanks for the kudos!!


End file.
